3 Tips for Being Happily Married to your Total Opposite (Or Anyone Who Isn’t Exactly Like You)

My husband and I are nearly polar opposites- aside from our faith, love and family commitment. Our hobbies, interests, likes and dislikes in smaller matters can feel a lot like trying to stick opposing magnets together.

To be so different from someone can be a major point of frustration especially when you’re bumping shoulders and sharing blankets daily.

But there are three things that have helped our differences feel more like a competitive advantage than a point of contention. I want to share for those of you in the same boat, who may be feeling more stressed than blessed; we’ll call them the Three C’s-

Communication, collaboration and compromise.

Communicate- Make expectations, desires, emotions, etc. plainly known with your words, gently and lovingly. We can’t read one another’s minds, but this can become an even bigger problem when you don‘t even think alike to begin with. What one of you views as an opportunity the other may view as a burden. What one of you sees as affection can seem like an annoyance to the other. Use your words, with love and respect. If you struggle to communicate without inciting an argument or the same issues seem to come up time and again, get godly counsel! Communication is key to any healthy marriage but I’d argue it’s especially critical when you’re married to your opposite. If you’re trying to discuss something particularly touchy my two pieces of advice here would be: 1: hold hands as you talk and maintain a spirit of humility. 2: remember that you guys are a team, say It out loud if you need to before you meet, pray together and let this set the tone. Offense tends to happen when we’re hyper focused on ourselves versus focusing on being a team unit and understanding our spouse is coming from a different perspective. Learning how to communicate well, especially the tough stuff, is vital. And the good news is: THIS CAN BE LEARNED!

Collaborate- Come together, make a plan, strategize and dream something up. Being opposites really shines in the area of collaboration, where one’s weakness may be the other’s strength and each person brings a different angle. Set goals together, if you’re married this is really the best way to set goals, it provides unity, vision and accountability. Also children seeing mom and dad work towards something together sets a tone of unity and strength that provides an atmosphere of confidence and security for them! Share struggles with one another and allow your spouse to offer some suggestions from a different perspective. This one can be tough if you haven’t laid a foundation of healthy communication. The more you learn to collaborate the easier it will get to respect and appreciate your differences.

Compromise- because even with all of the communicating and collaborating in the world sometimes we have to comfortably agree to disagree or adjust expectations. I cannot emphasize enough how important communication is when it comes down to compromising. A cold tone or accusatory statement can turn a small disagreement into a full-fledged argument. Compromise can be explained as finding a middle ground and asking ourselves if the situation is "a hill worth dying on." Wives, if your husband is not asking you to sin your duty is to willingly submit to him as the leader of your unit. There may be instances the husband decides to compromise but if you think his job is to please, or submit to your wishes we need to head back to square one. This isn’t a popular cultural topic, but we aren’t here to copy culture- we’re here to reflect Christ and the church in our marriages. Compromise in a healthy marriage will ebb and flow, or look like a little give and take; it will not look like harsh demands, cold shoulders, or stubborn refusal to obey Biblical commands.

All of that being said, learning to appreciate and respect each other’s differences has been an incredible blessing and journey. He pushes me outside of my comfort zone, I keep him grounded. We’ve been able to introduce one another to interests we may have never been exposed to otherwise. We’ve had to learn to appreciate differences rather than force conformity. We‘re more like pieces to a puzzle than mirror images, appreciating our differences as reflecting different facets of a good and glorious God.

Do you have any other tips to share?